Ahh. That big red and white envelope appeared bigger than life as I opened the mailbox. The private college which has showed so much attention to our son each and every week was going to make their wonderful pitch of how much financial aid they are able to give Scott his freshman year. I couldn't wait to open it. I just had this feeling it would be good.

After filing our FAFSA and sending back tax return information to both colleges where he was accepted, our Expected Family Contribution from our Student Aid Report was estimated at only $480. That is one low sum, so I'm thinking that these institutions will roll out the red carpet for at least his first year while we get our financial feet back on the ground from farm debt.

I've been wrong before, and I was wrong this time. I don't even think they saw that $480 figure. As my mouth dropped while reading the amount we still would have to get in loans, I just kept thinking, "What do the really poor people do for college?" I'm serious.

For a school that will cost almost $33,000 - and that doesn't include transportation back and forth to home or anything extra - we still will have to take out more than half of it in loans. I don't want my son to graduate in four years with more than $60,000 or $70,000 in loans to pay back. That's what we still owe on our home.

I'm not saying they didn't give us a lot of money. He would receive a college incentive grant, $5,000; a special college grant, $2,500; Iowa tuition grant, $4,000; Federal Pell grant, $4,281 (the maximum); and two other federal grants, $1,500. It's a lot of money, and I'm grateful to that. But what's left is $14,469. He can receive $4,300 in low-interest federal loans. That's still a $10,000 bill that we just don't have and neither does he.

The really big problem is that Scott is definitely leaning toward that school. My husband recently took him there for his first visit. He bonded with the football coach (he doesn't want to give up his dream of one day being a college football coach) and the exercise science teachers (that's his possible major).

Scott started adding up things in his head. A fire finally came under him. He started going to nearby factories to sign up for summer jobs that make $11 an hour. He said he'd save all his graduation money to pay down the tuition. He started dreaming that this was the place for him.

In the package of information he got on his tour, he discovered that the college offers a renewable grant up to $7,500 a year for students who maintain a 3.0 and have a 21 on their ACT. Scott has the 3.0, but he didn't do too well on his ACT. He called the college and asked if he took the test over and got a 21, would they consider giving him the scholarship. They said they would reconsider and to go for it. My son also began looking into even more scholarships. Watching him make some decisions on his own is worth all the money in the world.

As for the big university, they really didn't bend over backwards in the giving area. They included $2,500 in work study that will help, but only $6,000 was given in grants. We still would have $10,232 in subsidized and parent loans. Scott has until May 1 to decide.