I don’t know where I will be next fall. I have no idea what I want to do. I guess being 19 is a good thing in some areas of life, but it sucks when it comes to the future. I know I want to be a college football coach. I know I love football. I know I love video games. But after that, I’m not sure which direction to take.

I’m just not loving being at this particular college. I know a lot of it is my own personality. But now, if I want to transfer, I have to stop procrastinating and get myself in gear to move on. I did love playing football. It was tough. It was a learning experience. And I realized how out of shape I really was in back then.

The classes here aren’t difficult. I enjoyed most of my professors. But there’s just something lacking for me here. I know a lot of kids go through this their freshman year. And the whole loan thing just kills me. I can’t believe I already have close to $5,000 in loans out. Yikes. I also know that’s normal, but I don’t want a lot of loans spread out these next three years. I’m not quite sure where I am heading. I just know I want to feel like I fit in better. I need to improve on my sociability and comfortableness status. I need to get out more and be involved. My mother has emphasized that over and over again since high school. I’m just a laid back, kind of quiet guy. It’s hard for me to just start up a conversation with people. I’ve sat in my dorm room way too much by myself.

But now, my future is smacking me in the face, and I need to do something about it. My mom can’t do it for me. She can’t make those decisions for me anymore. She has a friend who works at a private college closer to home. So, I’m talking with him soon about whether or not that might be a choice for me. I still believe a year at a community college might help me grow up a little more and give me time to get myself together. I don’t know. Being this age is tough.
I’ve learned a lot. I will admit that. Some of the things that colleges promise truly don’t come true once you get here – like that whole work study thing. I’m supposed to be getting a lot more hours than they give me. I’m supposed to be able to make $1,000 a semester. Well, that won’t come true.  I barely made $400 last semester and the amount will probably be the same this semester. But it does help with spending money and extras so my mom doesn’t have to fork over everything.

I’m pretty sure I won't be coming back here to this college, but I’m not 100 percent sure. My mom is pushing for me to stay because she had transferred after her freshman year. It’s a pain trying to get transcripts sent, trying to get more scholarships to help out and just the whole thing of starting over again. I’m not good with starting over.
So, everything is still up in the air. And as much of a procrastinator as I am, who knows where I will end up. I do know that I have to do it this time. My mom handled a lot of my college stuff last spring. I know she’ll help me, but I’m on my own when it comes to figuring out stuff, sending in application forms and talking with admission directors.  It’s time to get off my dorm bed and head into that scary “adult” world on my own.